IRAWAN GANI

When I was in my late teens to 20 something I enjoyed the Clerks series by Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier. Two of my favorite characters in the film were Jay and Silent Bob. The reason for that is because they were probably the opposite of myself while at the same time being witty and downright out there, especially Jay. However as soon as Kevin Smith stopped making those types of films, I let those memories consign to the back of my mind.

 

Recently, I got reacquainted with Jason Mewes, the actor who played Jay, many years later through the podcast Jay and Silent Bob Get Old. It was then when I learnt about his dance with drugs and his jihad to stay out of heroin addiction (and other drugs). It was also through the podcast too that I have learnt that he has become a parent and that his life is on an upwards trajectory.  

 

Through that sharing session, I learnt of his undying devotion to his newborn. Being a new parent myself, I could definitely identify with that. As he gave anecdotes of how he had to deal with the diaper changes, odd feeding times, bathing activities I said to myself, how much of his is similar to mine. Additionally, I said to myself, if Jason Mewes the reform addict could do it well with tender loving care, why not me.

 

It is not about doubting my ability as a parent. That I am quite confident of. However, now again, when the going gets tough, I will need some kind of inspiration from somewhere. Often I would seek advice from family members who had gone through it. Sometimes I would ask my friends for tips. I would also excavate my memory book to look for instances as to how my parents dealt with it. On top of that, I would look to the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) for good examples.

 

Often I would be reminded through the Hadith about how Muhammad loved, hugged and kissed babies and toddlers. As an orphan, he identified with the need for children in general to be loved and cared for and tended to. It was then that I saw how Jason was behaving the same way as Muhammad would.

 

Jason spoke about how he is filled with passion for his child. He remarked how he loved to kiss and cuddle the child as much as he could. It was so smothering and overwhelming that Smith remarked how Mewes appeared to be more maternal than his wife. Now, I can’t say for sure that I am more maternal than my wife but I do understand that feeling. It is the feeling for the need to be with my daughter as much as possible. At the same time, feeling the need to smother and overwhelm her with your love.

 

Although I have been a school teacher for a while I never did fully understand the need to fully smother your offspring with love, care and protection. I do now. It is only instinctive especially if that is what you have desired for the longest time. I may have doubts about my parental abilities but I have always wanted one of my own. It is so that I could give that unconditional love and care to someone.  In this respect, I understand Jason Mewes’ situation right now.

 

He also mentioned how much he loved every facet of rearing a child. He says that he loves those fatty bits. He loves cuddling her to sleep. He loves taking care of the stinky excrements. I love all those things too. In fact I sometimes wish she would wake up more at night so that I could lullaby her back to sleep. Yes I know it doesn’t make sense.

 

But in my little world, it does. There is probably a baby expert doctor somewhere who would be able to give a well researched rationale. I personally think that it gives me a better sense of self-worth. Being a social animal, I feel the need to be needed. Because I am wanted by someone else, I have another purpose in life. Of course it is a hassle but if nothing happens in my life, it is not worth living isn’t it? Additionally, whenever I do that, I feel youthful because I have to bring myself down to her level of play and communication. You have no choice but to feel more energetic because you are reminded as to how you used to be.

 

So, it is probably a reflection of myself more than anything. I mean who doesn’t want a cuddle and a hug from a soft fluffy adorable little creature. Anyone who says otherwise is either a liar or has mental issues.

I did not fully understand as to why Muhammad encouraged us to give our children a rainforest shower of affection. I am not as perplexed now as to why grandparents get overly excited over their grandchildren and shower them with relentless affection no matter the time or day.  If a reformed addict has that capability, I see no reason why any of us could not.